The fading sun welcomes the darkness
The cold is turning bitter
In between day and night
The feeling of being trapped returns
The somber song tells the story
Of a lonely man, dying solitary
Hoping for light of the morning sun
I close my eyes when the twilight comes
Everything passes, nothing is forever
Sunday, January 10, 2010
The Moment
As you relish a moment of happiness a parallel stream of consciousness makes you aware of the ephemeral nature of your fulfillment. Then the joy is no longer pure, for it is mixed with fear. Fear of what lies ahead. When the next tryst with happiness will be?
It is inescapable, this seeking of pleasure. It is imbued in the act of existence. Yet the loss of pleasure is almost as necessary as the quest of it. For only loss propels us ahead to look for something new, thought it is inevitable that we will confront it again and again in different forms.
The cycle is futile yet is the only way to find fulfillment.
It is inescapable, this seeking of pleasure. It is imbued in the act of existence. Yet the loss of pleasure is almost as necessary as the quest of it. For only loss propels us ahead to look for something new, thought it is inevitable that we will confront it again and again in different forms.
The cycle is futile yet is the only way to find fulfillment.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Still Agnostic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxGMqKCcN6A
As I listened to Richard Dawkins expound his theory of atheism and explain the contradiction between science and religion I wondered whether reason alone could explain man.
To put it simplistically, creationist needed “GOD” to explain the statistical improbability of manifestation of the complex creatures, humans, on earth. They needed a designer, a creator, an entity that facilitated our being : “GOD”. Darwin came along and explained the science behind the statistical improbability, elucidating how we evolved from the micro organism, filling the void with a concrete theory.
Though I am oversimplifying, the quest of man as a rational creature all set to explain the word by logic and reason, according to Dawkins puts him against the religious “GOD”. Faith blinds, science liberates. Dawkins is fine with Einstein using “GOD” to define the mysteries of physics which lie beyond human comprehension. It is the irrational that he hates.
Though I am agnostic I feel the need to contradict this line of thought. I want to focus on the experience of the individual in totality. The absurdity of individual existence which Kafka felt, Camus wrote about, Satre spend his life defining into a philosophy was beyond the realm of pure scientific reason. Our conscious walking life is filled with moments when we confront the intangibles. Think about the moments that shook your soul. The loss of a dear one, the love that will never come back, the tears at the end of the Bergman movie, growing old...I can go on.
Where is the friend I seek at break of day?
When night falls I still have not found Him.
My burning heart shows me His traces
I see His traces whenever flowers bloom
His love is mingled with every air.
His voice calls in the summer wind -- Wild Strawberries
Isn’t there something I feel but cannot express, that defies logic? The irrational, intangible, hazy dream. The unpredictable, along with the rational defines me in totality. To attack the "absurd" with intelligence and reason alone is to miss out on what makes us human. This is not a justification for religion, just an acknowledgment that science may not be the substitute.
As I listened to Richard Dawkins expound his theory of atheism and explain the contradiction between science and religion I wondered whether reason alone could explain man.
To put it simplistically, creationist needed “GOD” to explain the statistical improbability of manifestation of the complex creatures, humans, on earth. They needed a designer, a creator, an entity that facilitated our being : “GOD”. Darwin came along and explained the science behind the statistical improbability, elucidating how we evolved from the micro organism, filling the void with a concrete theory.
Though I am oversimplifying, the quest of man as a rational creature all set to explain the word by logic and reason, according to Dawkins puts him against the religious “GOD”. Faith blinds, science liberates. Dawkins is fine with Einstein using “GOD” to define the mysteries of physics which lie beyond human comprehension. It is the irrational that he hates.
Though I am agnostic I feel the need to contradict this line of thought. I want to focus on the experience of the individual in totality. The absurdity of individual existence which Kafka felt, Camus wrote about, Satre spend his life defining into a philosophy was beyond the realm of pure scientific reason. Our conscious walking life is filled with moments when we confront the intangibles. Think about the moments that shook your soul. The loss of a dear one, the love that will never come back, the tears at the end of the Bergman movie, growing old...I can go on.
Where is the friend I seek at break of day?
When night falls I still have not found Him.
My burning heart shows me His traces
I see His traces whenever flowers bloom
His love is mingled with every air.
His voice calls in the summer wind -- Wild Strawberries
Isn’t there something I feel but cannot express, that defies logic? The irrational, intangible, hazy dream. The unpredictable, along with the rational defines me in totality. To attack the "absurd" with intelligence and reason alone is to miss out on what makes us human. This is not a justification for religion, just an acknowledgment that science may not be the substitute.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Absurd
I woke up to darkness, it was 5am. Tried in vain to go back to sleep. The abruptly cut dream was about the land which was evolving across 7 seas, the one I had left behind a few days back. Remembered what I had muttered to myself just before landing in Mumbai..
" I try and magnify this reality, make it surreal, stretch it at the corners, still it remains palpable. I merge into the milieu with ease. "
Maybe I do. I was as comfortable with the bumpy ride from Khar to Andheri, in a soggy mumbai, as I was sitting in the cafe at Khan Market, Delhi, or eating a sumptuous buffet in Calcutta. But then buying furniture at IKEA or sitting at Agora (Greek Cafe, Houston)seems natural too. Am I like water, adjusting to every vessel I am poured into? Will my placid soul, accept everything? That which is lost, how will I feel its absence? I want more than eqanimity?
It remains then a battle between ease and fulfillment, between feeling and forgetting, between accepting status quo and pushing the envelope. Maybe?
As my eyes close, from subconscious they emerge. The man clad in white looking at the sky with dry eyes for some moisture. She with her skin as dark as night sitting on the floor of the bus with her young daughter as comfortably as the man from Adilabad sat on the woman's seat. The aging somber man, with a CT scan in his hand. Tumor, was it? I did not ask. The eyes said so. The rotating fan on the sealing and the AC blowing cold air...I am awake.
I knew the distance between my world and theirs will grow. With time I would only go further away, from Nagpur to Mumbai, from Mumbai to Houston. The thin dark veil, how did it form? I know you exist, you still struggle, slowly live and die. Yet, I can only say the words, the heart does not palpitate any more.
Vaguely I feel like neo inside The Matrix. Not really as controlled, but as cognizant of the external world that he senses but cannot see. It comes to me in my dreams. Yesterdays acceptance is today's awareness is tomorrows confusion. The blue pill or the red pill?
" I try and magnify this reality, make it surreal, stretch it at the corners, still it remains palpable. I merge into the milieu with ease. "
Maybe I do. I was as comfortable with the bumpy ride from Khar to Andheri, in a soggy mumbai, as I was sitting in the cafe at Khan Market, Delhi, or eating a sumptuous buffet in Calcutta. But then buying furniture at IKEA or sitting at Agora (Greek Cafe, Houston)seems natural too. Am I like water, adjusting to every vessel I am poured into? Will my placid soul, accept everything? That which is lost, how will I feel its absence? I want more than eqanimity?
It remains then a battle between ease and fulfillment, between feeling and forgetting, between accepting status quo and pushing the envelope. Maybe?
As my eyes close, from subconscious they emerge. The man clad in white looking at the sky with dry eyes for some moisture. She with her skin as dark as night sitting on the floor of the bus with her young daughter as comfortably as the man from Adilabad sat on the woman's seat. The aging somber man, with a CT scan in his hand. Tumor, was it? I did not ask. The eyes said so. The rotating fan on the sealing and the AC blowing cold air...I am awake.
I knew the distance between my world and theirs will grow. With time I would only go further away, from Nagpur to Mumbai, from Mumbai to Houston. The thin dark veil, how did it form? I know you exist, you still struggle, slowly live and die. Yet, I can only say the words, the heart does not palpitate any more.
Vaguely I feel like neo inside The Matrix. Not really as controlled, but as cognizant of the external world that he senses but cannot see. It comes to me in my dreams. Yesterdays acceptance is today's awareness is tomorrows confusion. The blue pill or the red pill?
Monday, October 12, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
The evening
No more philosophical introspection, no grand quotations, my voice will not fill with passion and neither will my heart, with anger, beat faster. I will dispassionately observe this reality, before I head towards Calcutta... all resolutions in vain.
Slowly rising smoke from the huts was mixing with the red hue in the sky. Floating on top of the hue and the smoke mixed air came the sound from a distant dhak. Yes, in the remote corner of Yawatmal, with drought looming overhead, preparations for Dashera, Durga Puja, Navratri, were being carried out in full swing. God is omnipresent, he spares no one.
The lake was dry and the green cotton crop would soon wither away. On my way I had seen many coal mines, the district exported electricity, and yet the lights would go off every one hour. The place was full of contradictions, like life itself, a never ending dichotomy. The closest hospital was 23 kms away and those who could afford education had to travel a similar distance to the nearest college. The insects could bite, and the place was teeming with them.
What does it mean that this district has the maximum farmer suicide rate in the country? When does a man decide that gulping pesticide is the only option? Why does he abandon his family? Most of them were in their 40's, didnt they know life can always turn around? When did "hope" leave this place?
Policy papers dissect the problem from all possible perspectives. Indebtedness, high costs for farm inputs, poor farming techniques, addiction to drugs and alcohol, dependence on monsoon, the list was long and tiring. So much was being done, another long list of government interventions.
I did try hard to imagine what it must be to not have drinking water at will, to have to worry about the next meal, to pray to gods for rain and to finally feel the burning sensation as the poison enters the body and soul. No, my imagination is limited and empathy always falls short.
No one, absolutely no one, will feel the hunger in your stomach. The wallowing child will cry to you everyday. Only you know how death catches up with the ill on their way to the hospital. It is your soil, your crop, your profit, your loss. Don't look for external stimulus, and never put faith in a panacea. I know I offer no insight, no solutions. I have a bus to catch to get out of this place and head towards the city of joy.
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